Socks in the Dishwasher: A Thursday evening with 4 boys and two working parents

Let me start by saying that I am not writing this for sympathy. I’m not complaining or hoping for any recognition, award, advice, or alcohol. Although, I’d take the alcohol! Kidding. I’m writing this to share what a real life of a working dad and working mom looks like. All cute Facebook posts aside, hashtags and filters removed; this is what life is. Hopefully this post will entertain you, give you a little chuckle, allow you to reminisce about the days with your children, or if you’re a parent with small kids, let you know that it’s not just your kids and your life that’s a little crazy. We’ve all been there. Heck, my wife and I will be there for the next 17 years. And that’s ok. That’s more than ok. That’s great. That’s life! Despite it’s hectic schedule, crazy antics, overwhelming amount of dishes and laundry, it really is beautiful. On days like today, it was just a little more “energetic” than usual!

If you don’t know me and my wife Kelsey, here’s some backstory. We were married in 2009 and live in a nice house in a small town in southeastern Wisconsin. I am a middle school teacher and Kelsey is a part-time barista at a local coffee shop. We have four boys; Christopher (6 in first grade), Joseph (4 almost 5 in 4K), Aaron (3 ½ in 3K), and Daniel (1 ½). Our three oldest attend a small Catholic grade school five full days a week. Kelsey works nights at the coffee shop and is home during the day with Daniel. I get done with school just in time to pick up the boys and give Kelsey a high-five as she heads off to work. I leave my 111 middle school kids at school and hang out with my 4 little kids at home. It’s nonstop from 7:00 am – 8:00 pm every day and today was just one of those days that make you appreciate the “quiet” moments in life.

I met Kelsey at the coffee shop today at 3:45 (her shift starts at 4:00). She had taken the boys inside to get a special treat to celebrate a successful first week and a half of school. The boys nibbled on their cookies and I grabbed a coffee drink to load up on caffeine for the night. It was a cute scene of 4 little boys quietly eating cookies for about 2 minutes then Joe had to go potty, Daniel snuck behind the barista counter, Christopher took off to fill up a cup with water, and Aaron started break dancing or something on the floor. When Joe opened the bathroom door with his pants around his ankles (*warning* this will be a repeated theme tonight) I knew it was time to go. I wrangled up the boys, we said good bye to Kelsey and headed home.

After we pulled into the garage, the boys were instructed to bring their backpacks upstairs to empty them after putting their shoes in the laundry room. That plan sounded good in theory, but as soon as they were inside the basement door, all backpacks were open, library books were pulled out, and Aaron gleefully said “Here Daddy, these papers are for you!” as he dumped the contents of his folder all over the entryway. Daniel, meanwhile, had just stumbled in the door and promptly tripped over Joe’s lunchbox smacking his face on the ground. Luckily, there wasn’t a lot of blood. Just the usual amount. While I was consoling Daniel, a shoe came flying through the air and smacked me in the side of the head. Apparently Christopher, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to take his shoes off on the stairs and attempt to throw them over my head into the laundry room. It didn’t work. By this time, Daniel stopped crying and grabbed Aaron’s lunchbox which prompted Aaron to start screaming because “Daniel was going to eat his lunch!” I explained to Aaron that he already ate his lunch at school which was met by a sheepish grin and a sigh of relief. “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

Somehow, the shoes got into the laundry room and the backpacks and lunchboxes made their way

upstairs. Well, at least halfway up the stairs. The boys were apparently so thrilled with their new library books that all three of them sat down, halfway up the stairs, and started pulling their books back out of their backpacks. Daniel, meandering up the stairs, grabbed Christophers folder and promptly tossed it down the stairs sending all of the papers flying. Who knew a first grader could complete so many worksheets in a week and a half of school?

After Christopher finished whining that Daniel ruined his school work, we finally made it up the stairs and got our lunch containers put away. Then, seemingly at the same millisecond, Chris, Joe, and Aaron each said, “I have homework Daddy.” Each of their teachers sent home one of those cute “Tell me about your child” worksheets that the parent is supposed to go through with the kid and send back to school. Great sheets. Awesome way to involve parents. I hate them.

“Ok guys, we will do those later,” I said. “We have to get ready for soccer. Chris and Joe, go get changed for your soccer practices ok.” Joe had soccer practice at 5:30 and Christ had soccer at 6:00. At least it was at the same field, but it was now about 4:30 (yes, it took us about 15 minutes just to make it up the stairs once we got home) and if we didn’t start moving now, we would be late. Chris and Joe took off down the hall to change and I thought I would use this moment to go to the bathroom. Being a teacher, it’s hard to get time in the bathroom during the day, so I thought I’d be able to take at least 2 minutes here to take care of my bowel movements.

Sounds great right. Peace and quiet. The porcelain throne. When I was little, I always used to wonder why my dad spent so much time sitting on the toilet. What does his do in there? Isn’t he bored? Why is his taking so long?  If I only knew then, what I knew now. The bathroom can be an amazing 5 minute retreat from the chaos that lurks in the living room. The only problem is, Daniel is getting into everything. Moving chairs, opening drawers, finding every sharp object imaginable…the only thing I could do is take him into the bathroom with me. He loves playing in the shower stall with the little puddles on the floor. What could go wrong?

So I go into our tiny bathroom and Daniel steps into the shower. No more than 15 seconds later, I glance over and there is now shampoo all over the ground. Great! At the same instant I notice the shampoo, I hear yells from Joe. “Uhhh DAAAAADDDD! DAAAADDDDD you need to come see this.” Great. I can’t even go to the bathroom. I quickly finish my business, wash my hands, do a quick clean of the shampoo, and head out of the bathroom. I hear noise coming from our other bathroom so I go to check it out. What do I see?

Joe is standing next to the toilet with no shirt on and his pants around his ankles. Christopher is fully clothed holding a plunger and shoving it into the toilet. Aaron is standing close behind with a shirt on, no pants or underwear, but he is still wearing socks and shoes. “What’s going on?” I ask. “I think Aaron clogged the toilet,” Joe said. “But don’t worry. I think Chris fixed it.” Chris, meanwhile, gives the toilet a good thrust with the plunger and then swings it up over his head triumphantly while yelling  in a deep voice “I DID IT! I FIXED THE TOILET” This could have been one of those cute kid triumph moments, except for the fact that the plunger which was just in a feces plugged toilet was now over his head dripping liquid in every direction!

Well, we got that cleaned up, unclogged the toilet, and sent the boys back to get their soccer clothes on, which they should have been doing in the first place. I sprinted to my room to change quickly before anything else could happen. I wasn’t quick enough. Just as I was pulling on my shorts, I hear a blood curdling Aaron scream coming from the other bathroom. I rush over there and see Daniel holding Aaron’s toothbrush, cleaning out the sink with it. After grabbing the toothbrush, which sent Daniel into a screaming panic, I calmed Aaron and explained that his toothbrush will probably still be ok it’s just a little cleaner now. *GAG*

Chris and Joe now at least have shorts on, so I send them downstairs to get their shinguards and cleats on. I go into my room to grab a pair of socks. (I needed socks because I somehow got convinced to be an assistant coach for Joe’s soccer team and needed to wear shoes to practice. Sandals wouldn’t cut it.) By the time I grab a pair of socks and come out, I can’t find Daniel. Then I hear the dishwasher! He had opened our dishwasher, which is broken by the way, and was playing in the dried out soap that was stuck in there for some reason. I get him out of there and bring him downstairs where Joe is struggling with his shin guards and socks. If you’ve ever helped a 4 year old put on socks over shinguards, well, it’s like putting a unitard on an angry anaconda. There’s gotta be better socks out there.

While I am helping Joe with his socks and shinguards, Daniel has somehow gotten into the garage and is now gleefully throwing every tennis ball, basketball, soccer ball, and anything that rolls down our driveway and across the street. Aaron has decided he wants to wear cleats too. Great! I eventually get all three pairs of cleats tied, socks on, balls picked up, and children in the car before I realized I’m not wearing any socks. Where did I put those socks?

I run upstairs, look around the kitchen, living room, bathroom, back downstairs…. I can’t find them. You know where they were? In the dishwasher that Daniel had opened. How they got in there, I’ll never know.

Somehow, we make it to the soccer field by 5:25. We were still early! I then spend the next 30 minutes corralling Daniel, helping Joe practice, and trying to help the other coach hold the attention of 4, 5, and 6 year olds who are learning how to play soccer!

Joe’s practice got done at 6:00 just as Christopher’s was starting. I ran over and talked to Christopher’s coach’s wife and let her know I’d be running with the other boys to get some dinner. We stopped at a local gas station to get some Gatorade and then I ran home quick to make some hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches. I left the boys in the car watching a show with the AC running as I sprinted into the kitchen. I opened the cooler and took out some hot dogs and ketchup. Why a cooler you ask? No, it’s just just a fancy way to say Fridge. We have been living out of a cooler for the past week because Best Buy decided to cancel the delivery not once, but twice of the fridge we ordered after our old one died. Ever try living out of a cooler with 4 boys for a week? It’s not impossible, but it’s not fun!

We make it back to Christopher’s practice by 6:30, grab our food and a blanket, and head over to have a little picnic dinner while Chris finishes up. The boys eat a little, we talk to some other parents, and Christopher’s practice finally ends. As he is coming over and the other parents start to walk by the crazy family with boys who yell and run around, Aaron decides to smash Daniel’s face into the newly cut grass. It was an accident. They were playing and he hugged / tackled him too hard. Daniel is now crying about 20 feet away from where I am cleaning up our picnic. I can’t see his face so I ask Joe, “Is it bloody or just grassy?” My apparent lack of concern wasn’t apathy, but Daniel has cried wolf a few too many times. This didn’t seem like a bloody murder cry. Sure enough, it was just grass. A lot of grass mixed with Cheetoh stains from his very healthy dinner of Cheetohs Puffs. The other moms kind of gave a sympathetic shrug as they walked past the frazzled dad wiping grass and cheetohs off his sun saying, “Awww… Poor guy.” I couldn’t help wondering if they were referring to me?

Well, somehow we get the picnic cleaned up which now consists of 4 smashed soda cans that Aaron found in the woods and wanted us to take home so we could throw away, and we head home. Once we got home we had to bathe because the boys were super sweaty and remember, covered in not only grass and cheetohs but also that wonderful liquid from the plunger. So, Joe, Daniel, and Aaron go into the tub and Christopher has the other shower. Bath time wasn’t so bad, minus the fact that Daniel kept pouring water out of the tub on my legs as I attempted to clean him off.

Once the boys were cleaned up, it was time to dry off. Apparently, my household is going through the

great towel shortage of 2016 and I couldn’t find a single clean towel. All that laundry must be catching up with us. Finally, I discovered a toddler towel that you could put over their head and it gave them little Monkey ears and one that looked like a dog. Again, cute idea, but just not when it’s past their bed time and they are a little wired from Cheetohs and grass. (actual grass, not the grass you might be thinking).

When Joe and Aaron realized they could put the towel over their head and it made them look like an animal, that was the end of sanity. Instead of a calm procession from the bathtub to the bathroom, I now had two children hopping around the house, but naked, making animal noises while smacking each other. Cute right?

Somehow, everyone eventually got dressed and I put Daniel to bed. Thankfully, he went down pretty easily and peacefully. He was tired. The older boys sat down at the kitchen table. Christopher needed to eat dinner, so he ate. Joe, Aaron, and I then went through their “Homework” and filled in their sheets together. Once Chris was done with his dinner, we completed his homework and then headed in to read some books before bed. We read some books, said our prayers, and I kissed them goodnight. 8:15pm and the house was quiet.

I had survived screaming children, flying shoes, clogged toilets, dishwasher safe socks, two soccer practices, naked toddler fights, and a partridge in a pear tree. If ever there was a time to grab a cold drink from the fridge, this was it. But wait, we don’t have a fridge, because Best Buy hasn’t delivered it yet. I guess I’ll have a glass of water. No ice.

So, now I’m sitting on the couch, trying not to fall asleep before Kelsey gets home from work, hoping that maybe, if both of us aren’t too tired, we can actually have a few minutes of conversation about our day. Chances are though, I’ll be asleep.

And that’s what my Thursday was like. It’s not easy for either of us, but it gives our children and our family some pretty nice opportunities. Kelsey can help out with things at school during the day and I can run the show with them at night. Is my blood pressure high? Probably. Am I tired? I’m exhausted. Do I love my family and my life? Abosolutely. Life won’t always be this hectic so I have to remind myself to not just try to survive. I need to live in the moment with the boys and if it gets a little crazy then so be it. That’s life.

We all make sacrifices for our families. Some more than others. My life is far from the toughest life in the world. Many of the “problems” I face on a daily basis are very 1^st world problems. There are people with a myriad of more problems than I have. I live a good life. My family lives a good life. We are very fortunate. We are very busy. We are very loving. We are a family. No filters and no hashtags. This is life.